Help-Desk calls

1) HD: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.....

2) HD: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

3) HD: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello....I can't print.
HD: Would you click on start for me and....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting all technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates dammit!

4) Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says "Can't find printer". I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.....

5) Customer: I have problems printing in red.....
HD: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaaaah...........thank you.

6) HD: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend won for me at a fair.

7) HD: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.

HD: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8 times as you told me but nothing's happening.....

8) Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
HD: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
HD: Pick up your keyboard and walk ten paces back.
Customer: Okay.
HD: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
HD: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

9) A customer couldn't get on the internet.
HD: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
HD: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

10) HD: What antivirus programme do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
HD: That's not an antivirus programme.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

11) Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer but everytime I move the mouse, it disappears!

12) HD: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
HD: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well...I have the letter 'a' but how do I get the circle around it?

13) Customer: Hi my computer won't turn on
HD: Is it plugged in?
Customer: yes it is
HD: Is it plugged-in on the back of your computer?
Customer: yes it is
HD: Your model has a power switch on the back of the computer, can you check and make sure it hasn't been turned off
Customer: I'll try, I'm having trouble finding it.
HD: It should be near the top corner Customer: Well I'm having trouble seeing it, my power is out
HD: Oh OK. I'll tell you what you need to do. Take the computer, put it back in the box and return it where you purchaced it
Customer: Oh wow is it that serious?
HD: yes, you are far too stupid to own a computer